Fans of comedy podcast “The Round Table of Gentlemen” have been left outraged by the hijinks of funny-man host, Ben Kissel.
Mr. Kissel of Stevens Point Wisconsin, shocked listeners and co-hosts with his disregard for common human decency by abandoning and ignoring a complimentary mattress gifted to him by podcast sponsor, Casper Mattresses.
Despite the pleas of his colleagues at the Creek and the Cave, Jackson Ave, Long Island City, to transfer ownership to somebody in need, car-pooper Kissel elected to leave the still boxed mattress at the Creek to taunt the mattressless amongst his peers.
After days of torment, Benjamin Gorture Kissel, otherwise known as BGK, finally arranged for the Casper to be delivered to his New York Apartment building. It was later revealed however, that Kissel had simply dumped the mattress in a corner of his apartment, causing inconvenience to his long-suffering roommate Travis Irvine, who had unboxed the mattress to ascertain what was inside.
CAUTION: SOME READERS MAY FIND THE FOLLOWING PICTURES OF MATTRESS NEGLECT DISTURBING.
Shocking pictures posted by lizard-man Holden McNeely show the depths of Kissel’s depravity, leaving a perfectly good unboxed mattress exposed to the gnawing rodents Mr Kissel has confessed to sharing a living space with. Pudgy Mouse was unavailable for comment.
Kissel was quick to dismiss criticism following the leaked photograph by stating, “Travis pays rent late.”
Round table innocent, Jacqueline Zebrowski, had previously offered toilet-eater Kissel $75 in exchange for the mattress, an offer that was promply ignored by the flippant funny man, as were offers made by gentle giant, Edward Larson, who was FORCED to pay over $1000 for a sub-par mattress after Kissel’s denial.
Kissel went on to plead that he offered Miss Zebrowski the Casper over a facebook message to which Zebrowski never replied, providing clearly doctored screen grabs as “proof” of his kindness.
Calls for Kissel to be removed from the round table have so far been ignored, with Kissel threatening to quit to deprive loyal listeners the satisfaction of axing him. The scandal dubbed #mattressgate by fans is likely to have an impact on Kissel’s 2020 presidential aspirations, on which he plans to run with the slogan “Out of your room, out of your womb, out of your wallet!”. More on mattress gate as it develops.